If you consult your diary, you’ll see that season one, episode four of nip/tuck opened with Dr. Christian Troy attempting to negotiate a discount on a Lamborghini. His method? Offering to perform plastic surgery on the salesman’s girlfriend, of course. Surprisingly, it didn’t work. Well, the little devil is back in the market and desperate to finally get his Gucci-briefed butt in a late model Diablo. I’m going to call this episode…

LET’S MAKE A DEAL.

Like I said, again ol’ blue eyes has his sights set on a Lamborghini, although this time, he’s got a trade that’s sure as all get out to get him behind the wheel of the car of his dreams… getting his rival (Dr. Merrill Bobolit) and current Lamborghini owner into bed with the girl of his dreams – Dr. Troy’s patient/girlfriend, Kimber. Hmmm… a high-maintenance, bleach blonde bombshell in exchange for a high-performance, electric blue Italian super car. Done! And, so am I, because that was about it. See you next week.

Seriously. Bye…

Okay, okay. The show is an hour long (feels longer, doesn’t it?), so surely something more must have happened, right? After all, a “reality based” show on plastic surgery has to be about more than just cars; I mean, it’s only episode nine! You’re right. Please welcome back to the show, Sofia Lopez.

Sofia, if you remember, is a male-to-female transgender who originally arrived at McNamara/Troy after receiving a less than professional tracheal shave (chondrolaryngoplasty) elsewhere. Since then, she’s successfully received breast implants and was about to undergo gender reassignment surgery. That is, until Linda, the practice’s nurse (and lesbian), confused the issue… by having sex with her. See, nip/tuck is about more than cars; it’s about sex, too! That way, you don’t get bored.

For those of you new to the show, Nurse Linda sleeps with patients, as does Intern Jude. They’ve got a lot of catching up to do, though, if they hope to keep up with Dr. Troy who not only sleeps with patients, but also with the practice’s psychiatrist and the girl who waters the plants at the office. Didn’t I just discuss the code of ethics after the last episode, Cara Fitzgerald? Thank goodness we can count on Dr. McNamara to do the right thing… right?

Wrong.

Dr. McNamara now sleeps with patients as well.

Megan O’Hara had been diagnosed with breast cancer, had a double mastectomy, beat the cancer, considered breast reconstruction, left her husband, apparently fell for Dr. McNamara, had breast reconstruction with saline filled breast implants, had sex with him, soon thereafter informing him that her cancer had metastasized after the breast implants “lowered her immune system.” Here we go.

It’s true – and extremely unfortunate – that breast cancer can recur following mastectomy. It can recur in the chest wall, in the skin or in the lymph nodes. With that said, it’s rare for it to recur in reconstructed tissue. So much so that breast reconstruction is not associated with a recurrence of breast cancer at all. And, reconstruction neither interferes with mammography nor with chemotherapy or radiation should cancer return. Consequently, it’s highly doubtful that breast implants compromised her immune system, causing cancer to recur. My advice to the writers? Write from experience (sports cars), and leave important subjects like sex and plastic surgery to us professionals. That didn’t come out right, but you get the point.

So, with that, what happened with the love triangle between Dr. Troy, Dr. Bobolit and the Lamborghini? Dr. Bobolit got nothing. Kimber got the car. And, Dr. Troy? He was handcuffed to a bed a threatened with a butcher’s knife. Just another day in Miami.

See you next time.

Charlie Sheridan

Medical Editor and Consultant