Last episode, we learned that, surprise, Dr. Christian Troy finished in the bottom 10% of his class. This week, he said, “I’m a [expletive] expert when it comes to putting a condom on.” I believe him! I’m going to call this episode…

3 PEOPLE, 2 SURGERIES, 1 PATIENT

Montana wants plastic surgery to correct what she calls her “tankles,” “cankles – combination calves/ankles” and “piano legs.” And while Dr. McNamara and Dr. Troy are at it, they might as well go ahead and do something about hervaricose veins. Sassy on the other hand wants “smaller boobies” (known technically as breast reduction). Justice wants… well, I know it’s pretty subtle, but dang it, she just wants justice. Easy… well, two-out-of-three are easy (and not bad at McNamara/Troy), if it weren’t for the fact that all three patients are the same person, and none had the opportunity to consult with the practice’s therapist. Where was she? Who knows? What I do know is there are plenty of breast reduction videos here if you want to see how your life might be different – better – with “smaller boobies.” Anyway…

Ms. Montana Caine suffers from MPD or Multiple Personalities Disorder. During her consultation, she even admits to Dr. McNamara that she “couldn’t exist without therapy.” Ding-ding-ding. Of course, he didn’t know that when discussing plastic surgery with Montana, two other people were listening (and almost three million people were watching… one of them taking notes).

For the most part, plastic surgeons aren’t trained in psychiatry. Given the fact that the evaluation of the physical and mental health of a potential patient is of the utmost importance since we’re talking about elective surgery, how does a plastic surgeon evaluate the mental state of a potential patient? First, like the rest of us, plastic surgeons have a gut reaction based on a first impression of how a patient presents his or herself. Then, they utilize their experience of meeting with a wide variety of people – men and women of all ages and walks of life. Of course, there are warning signs that a plastic surgeon also looks for. For instance, Dr. Anthony Sclafani of the New York Medical College says they look for a variety of personality disorders: schizoid, depressive, histrionic and paranoid. They also look out for those who suffer from Body Dysmorphic Disorder, a condition in which one obsesses with an imagined physical defect. Obviously, there isn’t a plastic surgeon or plastic surgery that can correct a defect that doesn’t exist. Now, before you put off consulting with a plastic surgeon because seeing a doctor makes you nervous, please understand that your doctor understands this and takes your natural anxiety into account.

So, what else happened? Well, Dr. Troy was referred to as the, “arrogant, over-sexed, anti-Christ.” Oh, and Dr. Troy’s going to be a daddy! “Satan’s baby,” says the expectant mother and fellow sex addict. Seems Christian’s not the “rubber” expert he claims to be.

He’s actually sort of exited at the prospect of being a father, and why shouldn’t he? After all, he’s done such a fine job with his godson (remember the porno party?). By the way, for all of you nip/tuck fanatics out there, here’s something to keep in mind for the inevitable conventions down the road: Dr. Troy lives in unit 12B.

See you next time.

Charlie Sheridan

Medical Editor and Consultant